“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
This quote is from the Buddhist tradition and is one that I think about often. During my first year of medical school, I, along with several of my classmates, put together a memorial service for those generous men and women who had donated their bodies to science. During the service, I referenced this quote and it has stuck with me since. For those of you who don't know, a core part of medical school is Anatomy, often one of the first classes we take. In this class, we are introduced to our first patient, a cadaver. For many of us, myself included, this was the first time we came in contact with the deceased and I would be lying if I didn't say that it was strange and uncomfortable.
Throughout the entire summer, my class became well acquainted with our patients, carefully learning the human body and all the intricacies associated with it. Hours upon hours we would spend in the anatomy lab studying and trying to learn as much as we could for the upcoming test...but more importantly for life and to prepare ourselves for the journey ahead of us as physicians.
Dozens of times that summer, our Anatomy professor would tell us how these people were teaching us lessons that we would carry with us for the rest of our lives.
I thought I understood that. Or maybe I forgot it until now. Either way, I have been thinking A LOT over the past month that I have been on my Family Medicine rotation. In this rotation, I have experienced more life and death than I have on ANY of the other rotations COMBINED!
On other rotations, I would try to find the perfect amount of time it would take me to see my patients before my attending got to the hospital. I could average 4 patients in an hour...get there 5 minutes earlier than that and I would be ready for when my attending arrived. On Family? Totally different story. This rotation I have averaged 3-4 patients in the hospital (sometimes 5-6...), occasionally 1-2 of which are in the ICU. What does that mean? That means I will easily spend 30-45 min per patient, agonizing over his or her electrolytes, what's happening to their white counts, what in the world is causing that hemoglobin to go down...not to mention staring at the vent and pretending I know what's going on because I did read about it...
The other day, a med student and I were discussing the status of the patient we were both following. "That patient has been here how long!? Almost a month! Wow, she's teaching you a lot, huh?" she exclaimed
What? No! She's not teaching me! My attending and I am teaching me!...oh wait...if the patient wasn't sick, there would be NO reason to LEARN in the first place! Yes, wiser than I fellow med student! You're absolutely correct. Each of these patients, who cause me to wake up and be at work at too-early-o'clock AM (aka I go to bed at an embarrassing time at night because of it) are teaching me to be a better doctor. They are teaching me how to read labs, xrays, write orders, write admit orders, draw blood, do CPR, all of it.
Woah. Scary. But so good. So, So good.
So I would like to wrap up this post with saying thank you to anyone I have every had the PRIVILEGE of working with. For it is through your health and healthlessness that I am learning to be the best physician that I can be. And it's absolutely true. The body donors were my first patients. They trusted their bodies to the unskillful hands of M1s. And as such, have allowed me to be an M3...awkwardly working my way through patient encounters...hopefully to get better as time progresses :)
Let's all strive to be kind, generous, and open as these wonderful people have done for me+
